{"id":589,"date":"2015-10-19T14:07:01","date_gmt":"2015-10-19T14:07:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thegaijinchronicles.com\/?p=589"},"modified":"2015-10-19T14:07:01","modified_gmt":"2015-10-19T14:07:01","slug":"filler-episode-attack-on-sensei","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tgc.kaatissensei.pizza\/?p=589","title":{"rendered":"Filler Episode! Attack on Sensei!"},"content":{"rendered":"

I wish more shows would just declare filler like that, although just because it’s filler doesn’t mean it’s bad. Overall, there’s not much need for me to cover each class I teach as they repeat themselves and aren’t that exciting to talk about a lot\u00a0of the time, but here are some of the more interesting things I’ve encountered in my two months so far.<\/p>\n

Out of all the foods that I\u2019ve grown to like in Japan, tea is not yet one of them. It\u2019s said that if you eat something 14 times, your body grows to like it (that\u2019s an actual science thing, not just an urban legend). My usual argument to this is usually why would you ever eat something you don\u2019t like that many times (the counterarguments being beer and coffee)? I found another case why. At my Thursday school, there\u2019s a lady who works in the office who\u2019s a designated \u201ctea lady.\u201d Honestly, I\u2019m not sure what she does other than serve tea to the teachers. So every morning when I get to school, she brings me tea. When she first did it, I figured it was because I was new, and since it\u2019s rude to refuse, I took it and basically chugged it in three gulps. Now I\u2019ve backed myself into a corner, so every week I accept the tea, and every week I make sure no one can see the face I try not to make after drinking it. I don\u2019t know how many times I\u2019ve done this by now, but I hope I\u2019m close to 14.<\/p>\n

One day I walked into my class of fifth graders, and they were all playing on 3DSs. I got excited and was about to tell them to wait while I got mine, too, when the teacher instructed them they were done and to put them away. Turns out, they all have a \u201cgame\u201d that the kids use to learn and practice kanji (a game which I probably need). I wish I could have used a 3DS in school, though DSs didn\u2019t come out till I was a bit older. We did get Palm Pilots in 7th<\/sup> grade, but the teachers never used them in class because they were old and curmudgeony (and most kids just had games on them).<\/p>\n

Japanese people are well known for being extremely polite since their society and even their language is built on being respectful to those around you, especially superiors. This is true in most cases, but there\u2019s one area that the Japanese seem to lack any form of tact: telling people when they\u2019re fat. Due to a better diet and overall healthier lifestyle than most Americans, obesity is very rare in Japan (sumos notwithstanding). Because of this, Japanese people seem to be more than willing to let you know when you\u2019ve put on some weight. When Japanese students study abroad, they almost always gain weight, usually due to a huge change in diet. In every case, their friends, family, or girlfriend\/boyfriend will not hesitate to inform them that they got fat (as if they think the person didn\u2019t already know that they gained weight). Last time I came to Japan and met with all my friends at the train station, the first thing most of them said wasn\u2019t \u201cnice to see you,\u201d or \u201cit\u2019s been a while,\u201d but \u201cyou got fat.\u201d Even at times where no American would have considered me overweight, to them, I got fat. In the two months I\u2019ve been here, I\u2019ve already lost over 10 lbs. In the next few months, I\u2019m sure I\u2019ll lose what I consider too much weight. Not that I\u2019ll think I\u2019m too skinny, but rather I\u2019ll be angry that I had that much extra weight to lose in the first place. The good thing is I\u2019ve found two ways to know when I\u2019ve lost enough weight. The first is that my Japanese friends will stop calling me fat, and the second is that the first graders will stop treating me like Buddha. I\u2019m not sure why, but after recess, the first graders will often come up to me and start rubbing my stomach (assumedly for good luck). One just poked me in the belly button like I\u2019m the Pillsbury Doughboy, then ran off. It\u2019s hard to say whether this habit will continue once there\u2019s less stomach to rub\/poke. We\u2019ll see.<\/p>\n

The first graders are definitely the most physical, though I\u2019ve had some seconds and thirds that were as bad. After my introductory class for a group of first graders, I stuck around to answer other questions (or so I thought). They swarmed around me and asked a few questions, then asked to see my muscles. I flexed my arm, which apparently looks just like playground equipment, because they immediately grabbed it and hung from my arm. One kid used it to climb me like I was a tree, bringing his legs up for support. This wasn\u2019t that difficult, but then they played Monkeys in a Barrel<\/a>, and I soon had four or five on either arm. They also kept asking to touch my beard, which is completely reasonable. Then they tried to arm wrestle me, as if they had a chance. Depending on the age, it usually takes four or five of them using both hands to beat me. As I tried to leave, they followed me to the hall (by which I mean were still attached). I told them that I had to go teach another class, but they didn\u2019t particularly seem to care. So I walked through the marsh of children, pulling them along trying to get to the stairs. A few of the kids decided that while the other kids were holding my arms, it would be a good time to get a straight punch to my nuts. Luckily he either wasn\u2019t strong enough or didn\u2019t follow through, so it didn\u2019t hurt. I also had my back to the wall to protect myself from kancho. As they were pulling me, they accidentally knocked over an umbrella stand, which distracted them long enough for me to bolt up the stairs. My next class was on the third floor, so on the way up the second set of stairs, I could see a first grader stop at the second floor and look for me both ways down the hallway (like the bad guy of any Scooby-Doo or any alien\/monster\/dinosaur movie (going the Scooby route, my other best option would have been to put on a fake mustache and chef hat, then lead the kid to a spaghetti dinner I had inexplicably made\/found, sit him down while explaining the specials, and while grinding the pepper, throw some in his face and run)).<\/p>\n

The third graders I taught the following week were much the same at first. They hung from my arm (though were a bit heaver, so they started yelling, \u201cHe\u2019s turning red!\u201d when I tried holding a few up), rubbed my stomach and beard, and some tried to tickle me (often by sticking a hand through my sleeve and touching my armpits). Usually they\u2019d try and tickle me, then seemed to be surprised that I have armpit hair and yank their arm back like it was going to bite them. I had already told them I wasn\u2019t ticklish, so eventually they stopped trying. Two of the kids told me they did karate, and one asked to punch me in the stomach. I either overestimated my abs or underestimated his punch, because it actually hurt at first. Not wanting to make this a thing they start doing, I told them to punch me in the arm instead. They still had decent punches, but this was less dangerous right after lunch. They then asked me to hang with them at recess, so after the next class, I met them outside. We played normal tag, but I had to keep asking who was it. There was a kind of short wall that was on the side of a hill, which I could pretty easily jump up to, but took the kids longer to climb or go around and up the hill (by which time I would jump down), so I had a nice advantage (I often use playground equipment to escape kids by hurdling or climbing around faster than they can (Parkour!)). Once the game had moved away from us and we didn\u2019t know who was it (which is a problem of normal tag vs. zombie tag with this many people), the kids continued pulling my arms, touching my beard, and pinching my face for some reason. A few of them also requested piggy back rides, which was good exercise even though my knee has been starting to bother me (which extra sucks in a country that often sits on the floor). Eventually it was time to go back (the clock outside is a few minutes fast, so the kids go in at the time their class starts, and get back by the time it actually does (usually).<\/p>\n

Most schools have two [twenty minute breaks] which I just call recess out of habit. Now that I go out for all three schools, I usually spend one recess with younger kids, and one with older (both for their benefit, and because my cardio sucks too much to keep running from twenty kids). At my Tuesday school, I do either the above, or I play with the Brazilian kid who moved here two weeks ago. He speaks little to no English or Japanese, and I don\u2019t know Portuguese, so we just volley a ball back and forth (sometimes other teachers are there, one of whom speaks Portuguese). He doesn\u2019t seem to be a fan of volleyball, though, as instead of setting or serving the ball, he just punches it into the air with mixed results. At my Friday school, it\u2019s recently been tag in the morning, and dodgeball with the older kids in the afternoon. When I first went out to play something other than tag, there were two groups playing dodgeball. I had the choice of playing with the third graders (and Billy Maddisoning them), or with the 5\/6th<\/sup> graders and have more of a challenge. I opted for the latter. In their version, catching the ball doesn\u2019t get the other person out, so I prefer to just dodge it. My years of video games and taekwondo have trained my reflexes to be much better than most, so they\u2019re rarely able to hit me. My years of video games have made me terrible at catching sportsballs (that\u2019s what they\u2019re called, right?). I can punch or kick the balls with perfect accuracy (more accurately than the Brazilian kid), as long as I don\u2019t have to keep a hold of them. I forgot that although a few of the kids are my size, I\u2019m still a lot stronger than them. After one of the games, I threw a ball to one of the kids (not full speed, but hard enough), and they were super impressed by how fast it went. That\u2019s when I learned the key to being good at sports: play with people more than 10 years younger than you (disclaimer: this really only works in your twenties and early thirties. Maybe it\u2019s more accurate to just say play against kids).<\/p>\n

Fall is a busy time for students in Japan. The elementary school kids prepare and perform at their undokai, or sports days, and the junior high (and older) students spend a lot of their extra time making decorations and preparing for their bunkasai [culture festival]. There’s even a festival in Tsu! What is undokai? Is it super cute? What is Sports Day? Why did I capitalize it that time? Find out next time on the Gaijin Chronicles!\u00a0Dah dahh dadahhh da dahh duuhhh.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I wish more shows would just declare filler like that, although just because it’s filler doesn’t mean it’s bad. Overall, there’s not much need for me to cover each class …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"For those wanting to hear more about the kids I'm teaching, here are a few stories about my journeys downstairs (lower grades are usually on the lower floors).","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2,4],"tags":[12],"class_list":["post-589","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-home","category-jet","tag-jet"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tgc.kaatissensei.pizza\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/589","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tgc.kaatissensei.pizza\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tgc.kaatissensei.pizza\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tgc.kaatissensei.pizza\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tgc.kaatissensei.pizza\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=589"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/tgc.kaatissensei.pizza\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/589\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tgc.kaatissensei.pizza\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=589"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tgc.kaatissensei.pizza\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=589"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tgc.kaatissensei.pizza\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=589"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}